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How to Confront a Cheating Spouse

You've found out that your spouse has been cheating on you. Maybe you worked with a private investigator to catch your husband or wife red-handed, or maybe you discovered concrete evidence of an affair. Whatever has led you to this point, you now have to confront your spouse on their affair and deal with the issue in a way that is comfortable and constructive for you. But how do you confront someone on such an emotionally heated topic?

Work Through Your Emotions

The first thing is to work out some of your anger, shame, guilt, rage, etc. Knowing that this person betrayed you brings out emotions you probably didn't know you had. But you don't want to lose control of your emotions in front of your spouse. You want to confront them with a body of evidence that they can't dispute. If you have children in the home, you have more to think about. You don't want to have this discussion in front of them.

Build Your Case

Chances are, you've just discovered the affair but aren't aware of how far it's gone. If you can control your emotions and act normal to your partner, this gives you time to do some more digging. Evidence is never a bad thing when confronting a cheating spouse, even though what you find may hurt. Go through bank statements, emails, drawers, closets, etc. to build a rock solid case.

Know What You Want

You may not have many answers at this point, but it's still a good idea to decide if you want to preserve the marriage, leave the marriage or seek counseling. This way, when you do confront your spouse, you can tell them exactly what they need to do to repair your relationship. It can often help to take some time away from the relationship to clear your head, especially if you don't have clarity. Either way, go into the conversation knowing what you want, at least in the immediate future.

Practice and Rehearse

Before you confront your spouse, rehearse what you are going to say. You're going to catch them off guard, so you will already have control of the situation. Whatever you do, don't let your spouse stall, make excuses or turn the tables on you. Be firm and clear in what you know and the answers you came for. Avoid ranting and yelling, otherwise your spouse will react in the same way.

Know It's Not Your Fault

No matter what, your spouse cheating on you is not your fault. Don't buy into that idea, otherwise it's justifying what your spouse has done. Your spouse's character and integrity is what has been compromised, not yours. Also, be careful not to be swayed by the tears and regret that your spouse may be showing you. More times than not, people are upset they got caught, not that they cheated.

Realize That You Can Move Past This

If you want to work on your marriage, it is possible to move past infidelity and come out stronger. The key is that both partners need to be willing to work hard on the relationship. Don't stay in it just for the convenience. Visit a counselor when you are both ready.

Do you think that your spouse is having an affair? Contact All State Investigation and get the answers you need to confront your partner.


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