As a company that provides private investigative services to customers, we know that many people aren't prepared for what we find. We work with many husbands and wives who suspect their partner is cheating, but they don't know what to do with the information once they receive it. Hiring a private investigator to get the answers you need is a smart decision because it openly exposes the facts. But, if you are prepared to do this, we would recommend being prepared for the outcome as well.
If you do learn that your spouse is having an affair, what do you do? Can you really get past it?
Most marriages do not break up because of a single affair. But, the work that goes into repairing the relationship is extensive, and both partners need to be committed. If you think that all you need to do is forgive (and your partner is pressuring you do just that), you won't get past the affair. You need to deal with the issues and explore what went wrong.
The lies, betrayal and secrets in an affair are most hurtful. You're probably feeling unattractive or unworthy, and you may be struggling to work, eat well and sleep through the night. All of this is normal. Perhaps the worst part is not knowing what's real and what's not anymore. Although some people see the writing on the wall, it's still crushing to know that your suspicions are correct.
Support from friends and family is good, but it won't be sufficient. The best solution is to meet with a professional marriage counselor who can offer valuable, meaningful support. Through regular counseling, you can learn about yourself, your relationship and what led to the affair. A marriage counselor can also help you repair the relationship and build trust.
An affair is one of the most difficult things you can go through in your life, so don't push yourself to ‘get over it.' This is a very real and emotional experience, and you have a right to take your time. In fact, you may find that you do not want to stay in the marriage, and that's okay, too. At least give yourself time and work with a professional before coming to this decision.